Retro Mayhem: Mail Order Monsters for the C64

As a kid of the 80s, one of my favorite computer games on the Commodore 64 was Mail Order Monsters. In the game, you'd pick a template for a vat-grown creature--say a T-rex, giant spider, or lion/bear creature--outfit it with weapons, and send it into gladiatorial combat to win fortune and glory.

It has--at the very least--strong thematic ties to Gamma World, if not more specifically, Gammaruaders.

Your winnings would allow you to buy upgrades so you could be more effective in battle and (hopefully) ascend to become champion.

What really sold my young brain on the concept though, was the manual. It had this awesome box art which included photographed (!) prop weapons. The marketing and packaging around the whole game was genius--they wanted you to feel like this was the real deal.

You can imagine how this would effect on an impressionable young lad, such as myself:

Monsters fighting monsters? Cool. Slick futuristic weapons? WAIT--THIS IS REAL? Sold.

Right click to enlarge images

Yeah, and a scuba tank. But...whaddya gonna' do?

Now I just need to track me down a copy of the manual so I can stat these up!

GEAR: Motopeds Survival Bike, a.k.a, The Apocacycle!

No humanoid scavanger, roving gang of mutanted hoodlums should be without their own personal mode of transportation. If you can find one of these babies, count yourself extremely fortunate as they were made for exploring (or escaping from) the ravages of the surface world.

Manufactured by the tens of thousands in the early part of the 21st century, the ZASser (as it came to be known) could be the perfect bike to give you a clean getaway from the hordes of zomibies/rogue robots/angry warlords/what-have-you. Have a look:

MOTOPEDS SURVIVAL BIKE*

• 2-stroke engine
• Range: 120 miles per gallon
• Speed: 40 MPH
• (More to come)

Accessories Package:

• Barnett Recruit Compound Crossbow (20 bolts, 2d6 dmg)
• Rotopax RX-1G Gas Packs - 1 Gallon ea. (120 MPG)
• United Cutlery M48 Tactical Survival Shovel
• United Cutlery M48 Hawk Tomahawk (1d6+1)
• United Cutlery M48 Hawk Harpoon (1d8+1 dmg)
• Gerber Fixed Blade Saw
• Blackburn X6 Light System (up to 200 lumens, range of 75 feet)
• Black Diamond Carabiners / Climbing rope
• Cree Mini LED Flashlight (up to 300 lumens, range of 35 feet, short periods)
• BioLogic Bike Mount for iPhone4/gps
• Tool Logic Tactical Multifunction Knife / light (+1d4 on any related mechanical skill rolls)
• Tool Logic Credit Card Companion multi-tool (+1d4 on any fine motor control technical skill rolls)
• CRKT Guppie multi-tool (+1d4 on any survival-related technical skill rolls)
• Tactical-Warrior Neck Knife (1d4+1 dmg)

 

Fully loaded...

 

...versus, the stock version...

 

*Couldn't resist imagining this for game use! Two caveats: 1. Motopeds hasn't released the specs yet and 2. I am not a motorbike person so I'm totally guessing on stats. I'll update as soon as Motopeds announces the final product (this is apparently just a prototype).

Via The Mary Sue and the Motoped Facebook page

EDIT: Motoped has updated the specs on their survival bike.